I was reading a book in which the characters were in an open relationship. Together and separate. Since it was a book series and the first book featured them in a closed relationship, this new open sex disturbed me a whole lot and got me thinking about the issue a lot.
Is monogamy so overrated? Can humans be happy in a monogamous relationship? And since the majority of the relationships that we see are closed and monogamous (at least to us and their partners), are we pretending to be happy while monogamous?
When i did the research (means i read wiki), i found that only 7% of mammals were monogamous. There are roughly 5500 mammals. You do the math. This means the majority of upper crest of the living beings on the earth prefer to diversify their sexual choices. Interestingly, 90 percent of birds are mammals. No wonder they call the ladies, birds.
So what does this mean for us humans? Are we really monogamous? Or are we restricting ourselves by social boundaries and hiding our true sexual appetite? Many of the scientists and other anthropologists believe that humans are actually polygamous. This polygamy does not mean the Mormon polygamy, where there are more than two sexual partners, but it is still a closed relationship. But here it means the literal word. Many sexual partners. Since the website airs my views, i am not going into the ‘anthropologists says’ part. But to my own.
Humans differ from other animals in a verity of things, including a large number of emotions and the control over them. We feel deeply for the things that we consider our own. We don’t give up easily. And we definitely have a possessive mind and emotional attachment.
I don’t believe that humans are meant to be polygamous. We can have a real game picking the one mate that suits our mental and physical needs, but that is that. I think its absurd to play around after that to destroy what you have with your partner. There consensual partners who are open to each other straying, alone or together. They might have a lot of fun and good times in the meanwhile. But i am doubtful about it working in a long run.
The thing is, when animals mean sex as a reproductive method, humans mean sex as way to connect with each other and show their affection. That is why we do more sex than that to ensure progeny. Thats why we do birth controls. Thats why there exists homosexuality in humans as a life long relationship mode, where as in animals, when it exists, it is another way of showing dominance. The emotion humans invest in sex is the reason polygamy has the chances to fail. When ever there is sex, there are increased chances that you might get attached to the person who is not your partner. Since we humans do so much for love, it is likely that you are going to go beyond the boundaries for the new person, thus destroying the initial relationship you had.
Polygamy, in a careful form gets you a lot of enjoyment and thrill. But it might make you distant and alone if you are trying hard to stay unattached. If you are in an open, no holds barred relationship, it can go even better, but it can also grow sour. There is nothing that destroys a relationship faster than jealously and possessiveness.
Can humans stay happily monogamous is another question. We are easily swayed people. Our eyes are always drifting. While looking is not an error, cheating definitely is. I believe that when we want, we can stay faithful to one person, if that is the right person. If your partner/spouse engages your mind and thoughts and fantasies, why you need to look out? But while in an otherwise wholesome, but sexually incompatible relationship, your choice to stay monogamous might feel constricting to you.
When i am not a prude as this talk might make me sound like, i would any day prefer monogamy, since human minds and their connections are fragile, and i believe they are to be treasured.